The Blessing of a Closed Door

In the past 4 years I have interviewed for a crazy amount of jobs. In all but two cases (for 2 pieces of sessional work) I have got right to the final stage and missed out narrowly to someone else. Even the part time job I am in now was offered to someone else before it came my way.

Every time I have found myself frustrated and having to work hard to fight off the whispering lies that fill my head saying I am not cared for by God, that He doesn’t have a plan for me and that I will never achieve anything; whispers that say that I have no purpose. Lies, lies, lies, but so easy to listen to when for the eighth time in four years the much-anticipated phone call is filled with lovely, encouraging remarks about me but ultimately no job offer.

Eight times in four years.

Despite all of this, I haven’t been without work in those four years. In fact, I have been perhaps too busy with freelance work. God has provided again and again. Eight times in four years I have missed out on jobs that I absolutely could have done while my diary has been full with short term, creative projects. Maybe it’s time to take notice? Maybe this is one of those times when I discover the floor is littered with big shiny copper pennies that God has been dropping and I haven’t been noticing.

Maybe it’s time to take notice.

Of course I was gutted when the latest interview process ended in a no-thank-you phone call - once again filled with lovely comments but ultimately no job offer. Of course I had a good old cry and a short-term crisis about it. But today I am feeling filled with hope.

This latest closed door has been a real blessing. It has facilitated an opportunity to look objectively at my diary, my priorities and our long-term hopes and dreams. It has highlighted that perhaps I have been viewing this lifestyle all wrong. That I have ordered things wrongly and missed the beauty of God’s design for my life over these past four years and in this current season.

Seek the Kingdom of God ABOVE ALL ELSE, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.                                                                  

Matthew 6:33

For too long I have let my transient work diary rob me of truth and the things that really matter in life. From here on I will prioritise my relationship with God, strengthening our marriage, investing in our church community, and getting and staying healthy. I will trust that God will provide the work that we need in order to pay our way. This is, of course, terrifying. It is so contrary to all that we are told by the world but it is in line with the call of scripture. My absolute go to verse of late has been But I trust in You, O Lord; I say “You are my God.” My times are in your hand (Psalm 31:14-15). I am going to start taking hold of that promise. There is no safer place to be than in the palm of God’s hand.

With this new perspective, looking back over each of the eight closed doors I can see glimpses of what God was doing. With the first three came the decision to move back to Glasgow where I met my lovely husband, I’ve had some incredible opportunities, reconnected with old friends and made some amazing new friends, as well as being closer to family. Others have left me freed up to work on some amazing projects or saved me from horrible commutes that would have been soul-sucking.

God is in control. He knows what is best for me and even when I might be upset about how it plays out, He is working for my good.

As we approach a new year, and as I grow very close to turning 30, I am ready for a fresh start, not in a new job, but with a new mindset.