Three weeks ago I spent a few days in London catching up with friends and siblings (and seeing the incredible Glenn Close in Sunset Boulevard!) It was lovely to be there and hard to believe 11 months had past since my last visit. A real highlight of the trip was hanging out with two of my best girls on the Friday night. It was a great time of catching up, laughing and enjoying time together, and we rounded off the night by praying for each other - as we used to do often when I lived there.
As the girls were praying for me Jess shared that she felt God was saying that something I was eating was causing my health issues - as many will know I have PCOS, and I have experienced a whole array of difficulties in the wake of our miscarriage last August. I knew as soon as she said it that it was sugar that was the culprit and so when I got home to Glasgow I started planning meals and snacks that were refined-sugar-free. And for two weeks I stuck to it (with just a tiny cheat on the middle weekend when I let myself have some naan bread and mango chutney with a homemade curry).
I felt amazing.
Things regulated within a matter of days. And one of the biggest things that I noticed was how bloated I had been. I am definitely overweight but not as much of my excess weight as I had anticipated was actually fat. I discovered a shape that had been hidden for ages. I even felt energetic enough to get back out for a run (in the middle of a hailstorm - not ideal).
Since Friday, however, my new regime has fallen apart. It's amazing how quickly things disintegrate when one chaotic day sneaks in. And it's amazing how that one day of making poor choices has snowballed into almost a week. And it's still more amazing how aware I am of the effect of those poor choices on my body.
My mood has been much lower, the bloating is back, my joints are inflamed, my muscles are achey and there is a cloud in my head that is stopping me from being productive.
This wasn't really how I saw the testimony of God's goodness panning out. I had supposed that I would to be able to just tell of how the word of knowledge that he gave to Jess that night had led to all good things. But instead I am testifying to His goodness in the midst of the mess I have made of things. I am sat here feeling weepy and sore and I know that it's my poor choices that have led me here.
Thank goodness that He is a God of grace. Thank goodness that it's not all on me. Thank goodness that this slip up isn't defining. That he is there to pick me up and cheer me on as I decide to get back to it and follow His guidance.
