Mastering the Dread

It wasn't so long ago that I was without work and feeling desperately useless and endlessly lethargic. I would have quite happily taken any work that was offered to me and been utterly overjoyed if it actually had anything to do with drama, theatre or the arts. Yet now, 4 weeks in to a very full freelance schedule I am experiencing "the dread". That feeling that most people have on a Sunday evening but I have on a Tuesday evening because along with the many unconventional aspects of self-employed, freelance work in the arts, I work over the weekend and have my weekend when everyone else is back at work.

See, I am already sounding negative.

When did I lose the overwhelming thankfulness that I had when things started coming together? Exactly how long did it take to fall into the pattern of the world, where we largely live for the weekend? And why am I allowing myself to trundle along, counting down the days until work is over? Work that a couple of months ago I was so unbelievably grateful for. When did I lose sight of this work being God's provision?

There's been a lot of stuff posted online and in the media recently about Generation Y and how we are living in an age of entitlement, where we expect to land the dream job and to be totally fulfilled by the work we are doing. And on top of that some of us have an extra dose of natural ambition. I've always been ambitious, and not necessarily always in a good way. I always want to be three steps ahead of where I am. And that stops me from seeing and remembering the blessing in the here and now.

No, I might not be doing the kind of work that I would really like to be doing, but I am a step closer to it than I was 6 months ago, and two steps closer than I was this time last year.

It's all a journey.

So, I am choosing this evening to master the dread. To go to bed with a thankful heart. To count my blessings and live in the present. Not with my eye on the future but with my eye on the One who holds the future in His hands. Trusting in Him to make my path straight.