A wandering prodigal returning home

This evening I am finally ready to admit that I have been living in fear. 

I'm not quite sure when it crept back up on me, but it's been following me around like a shadow for longer than I would like to admit.

Over the past couple of months I, along with a bunch of folk, have been reading a book called Everday Church by Tim Chester and Steve Timmis. In one chapter they suggest that God is four G's:

Great - He is Sovereign. He holds all things together

Glorious - He is the only One worthy of glory and the only One worthy to be feared

Good - He is the only bringer of true and lasting joy

Gracious - He has justified us through the blood of Christ so we do not need to justify ourselves

And these four truths have a profound bearing on our lives:

Because God is great we don't have to be in control

Because God is glorious we don't have to fear others

Because God is good we don't have to look elsewhere

Because God is gracious we don't have to prove ourselves

But somewhere along the way I have lost sight of all four of these. I've started trying to get control over my life and worrying about what will happen with work when my current contracts run out. I've been filled with fear that I won't have enough work to pay my way. I've been fearing too what other people think of me both in general and in a work context. This fear has been so paralysing that several times a week I consider packing it all in and giving up. And I've forgotten that God is good and is all I need, so I've started coveting material things and craving food that will never satisfy. I've forgotten that God, in His grace has already bought me at a price and adopted me into His family, knowing full well that I'm not good enough but making me holy and blameless in His sight, and because I've forgotten this, I'm constantly trying to prove myself and earn my place at the table.

I've got myself into quite a state. 

So tonight I'm asking God to teach me the four G's again and choosing to surrender the fear to Him. Once again this wandering, prodigal child is returning home to her Father who is waiting with open arms.