Every time I have found myself frustrated and having to work
hard to fight off the whispering lies that fill my head saying I am not cared
for by God, that He doesn’t have a plan for me and that I will never achieve
anything; whispers that say that I have no purpose. Lies, lies, lies, but so
easy to listen to when for the eighth time in four years the much-anticipated
phone call is filled with lovely, encouraging remarks about me but ultimately
no job offer.
Eight times in four years.
Despite all of this, I haven’t been without work in those
four years. In fact, I have been perhaps too busy with freelance work. God has
provided again and again. Eight times in four years I have missed out on jobs
that I absolutely could have done while my diary has been full with short term,
creative projects. Maybe it’s time to take notice? Maybe this is one of those
times when I discover the floor is littered with big shiny copper pennies that
God has been dropping and I haven’t been noticing.
Maybe it’s time to take notice.
Of course I was gutted when the latest interview process
ended in a no-thank-you phone call - once again filled with lovely comments but
ultimately no job offer. Of course I had a good old cry and a short-term crisis
about it. But today I am feeling filled with hope.
This latest closed door has been a real blessing. It has
facilitated an opportunity to look objectively at my diary, my priorities and
our long-term hopes and dreams. It has highlighted that perhaps I have been
viewing this lifestyle all wrong. That I have ordered things wrongly and missed
the beauty of God’s design for my life over these past four years and in this
current season.
Seek the Kingdom of
God ABOVE ALL ELSE, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you
need.
Matthew 6:33
For too long I have let my transient work diary rob me of
truth and the things that really matter in life. From here on I will prioritise
my relationship with God, strengthening our marriage, investing in our church
community, and getting and staying healthy. I will trust that God will provide
the work that we need in order to pay our way. This is, of course, terrifying.
It is so contrary to all that we are told by the world but it is in line with the call of
scripture. My absolute go to verse of late has been But I trust in You, O Lord; I say “You are my God.” My times are in
your hand (Psalm 31:14-15). I am going to start taking hold of that promise. There is no
safer place to be than in the palm of God’s hand.
With this new perspective, looking back over each of the
eight closed doors I can see glimpses of what God was doing. With the first
three came the decision to move back to Glasgow where I met my lovely husband, I’ve
had some incredible opportunities, reconnected with old friends and made some
amazing new friends, as well as being closer to family. Others have left me
freed up to work on some amazing projects or saved me from horrible commutes
that would have been soul-sucking.
God is in control. He knows what is best for me and even
when I might be upset about how it plays out, He is working for my good.
As we approach a new year, and as I grow very close to
turning 30, I am ready for a fresh start, not in a new job, but with a new mindset.
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