My times are in Your Hands

A new year has brought a new church for Owen and I. After much thought and a lot of prayer we made the decision to move from the church where Owen grew up and where we got married to join Refuge Glasgow, a small church plant that meets in Pollokshaws Burgh Hall. I had been a part of the church in its very early days when we still met in a house (the house I lived in at the time) and so it is really amazing to see how the church has blossomed and grown and found its rhythm in the two-ish years that I was away.

We both feel very much at home there already and like it is a good fit for us. Never is this more clear than when it feels like the sermon is exactly what you need to hear! God has been doing a work in my heart over the last couple of weeks as I have taken small step by small step back towards him. Over the last 6 months my relationship with God has really suffered. I was feeling bitter and sore, I was finding it hard to pray and I had basically stopped going to church. Even as we started attending Refuge I could feel a reluctance in my heart. It just felt like there was too much to unpick with God and I was scared.

I had forgotten how gentle our loving God is.

I had allowed current circumstance to cloud my judgement and it didn't take long for me to grow a long list of grievances against God. Past hurt after past hurt came back to me and each one made me a bit more cold towards God. It was like a chain reaction, once I started they just kept coming tumbling out and I couldn't stop it.

We are currently working through Philippians at church and two weeks ago, while we were in Philippians 3 Matt (the pastor at Refuge) said a wee phrase that has really stuck with me:

Whatever holds your heart will shape your life

It was like a key that unlocked all that I was feeling. It explained the chain reaction. The bitterness that held my heart was shaping everything. It was the lens through which I saw everything, it was the reason my list of grievances kept growing and it was the reason I was in a huff with God. I was totally holding a grudge against him for all the things that have really hurt in the past.

Last Sunday we were in the first half of Philippians 4 and Matt was teaching on using big truths in little places. Being thankful for the big truths in the little places of our circumstances. It was the next piece of the jigsaw puzzle for me. I left determined to put this into practise.

This week something has changed. Some of that coldness has gone. Trust is growing back.

I was keen to find a big truth to hang on to in this season. There are so many but I wanted to find a go to truth that would be easily on my tongue when a bitter thought crept in. Today's devotional in My Rock, My Refuge held the perfect verse.

My times are in your hands.

Psalm 31: 15

For me, that is not just about surrendering to God in His sovereignty but it is also a picture of safety and of nurture. I will endeavour to place this truth over all things. It's a verse to sit with and meditate on in this season.

Just like the tree outside our window, I feel a growing season is approaching. Fruit is to come.