I think I hate theatre...

I think I hate theatre. That is a kinda problematic conclusion to come to when I am a theatre director and theatre is what I do. But right now, I really think I hate it. I don't hate plays, or telling stories or being told stories, but I think I really do hate this industry called theatre. Should theatre and industry ever be words we place next to each other?

One definition of industry in the Oxford English Dictionary is "hard work", and yes we all know that song in Fame that tells us "Acting is the hardest profession in the world, hard work, the hardest profession is acting" but I just kind of somehow feel that we're making much harder work of it than it ought to be.

The thing I love most about the theatre is that it is a platform on which we can tell stories. I feel so passionately about stories because I think they lie at the heart of what it is to be human. I believe that telling stories is how we express our humanity and it's through stories that we can find meaning in and understanding of the world around us. Stories touch our hearts and have the power to change our minds. Haven't we all been reduced to tears watching a film or felt convicted after reading a book or seeing a play? 

And what I love about plays more than books and films (which I'm also a fan of) is that shared experience of the event, the community that forms as a bunch of (often) strangers join together to share in a story. There is something so beautiful and ancient about that act. But lately I've felt my heart crushed a bit with what I feel theatre has become. So often all of that magic and that purpose feels lost to money and to what the reviewers think. And the thing is I know I'm guilty of it too. I have conditioned my brain to analyse what I see before me and often forget to allow my heart the chance to engage before my brain kicks in. I've got so bogged down in earning a living that I've lost the joy of stories. I've lost the magic of the theatre that pulled me in to this crazy life to begin with. And the thing is without that joy and without that magic the "industry" is brutal - long erratic hours, low and inconsistent pay, and quite often loneliness and isolation from a world that operates on a different schedule. 

Without the joy and magic it is just hard work.

Lately, anytime I log on to twitter I end up just feeling heavy with all the opinions and big voices talking about theatre. Lately, theatre has been making me feel anxious and inadequate. But how can anyone be inadequate when it comes to theatre? Because theatre is about expressing what it is to be human and no one can be any more or any less human than anyone else. Sure some people will be more gifted in how they express it but we all have the capacity to engage in theatre and to be moved by it. 

So I've been doing kind of a lot of soul-searching and praying about what all this means for me in terms of work. I definitely have no answers. But what I think I do know is that I want to facilitate opportunities for people to engage in the business of expressing and exploring our humanity, what it is to be human in this world and above all to create opportunities for people to create and be moved by stories.

It's probably time to unfollow a whole bunch of people on twitter, not because the work they do isn't great or legitimate but because at the moment I need to drown out the loud voices and remember why I chose this path... In fact there's a strong chance I may even need to remember which path it was I chose. I need to get back to the grassroots of what I believe theatre is all about and ultimately rediscover the joy and the magic of a bunch of people coming together to share in a story.